Collaborating Fears

I’ve been considering using a virtual assistant service to make my family life easier. It’s a great idea to delegate those pesky tasks you don’t want to be bothered with like researching ideas for kids’ birthdays or scheduling doctor’s appointments. Just contact your trusty assistant by email, phone or text and it’s done and booked on your Google calendar. This kind of delegation can save you both time and energy.

I’ve thought about how this same idea could be used to help with managing my time and energy when it comes to music composing. As I’ve mentioned on other posts, I have been struggling to keep up my writing since my life has become busier (being a new wife and mom). I can’t delegate work out to my trusty virtual assistant. I can’t even really outsource the composing work to someone for hire as first, I hate work-for-hire and couldn’t do that to someone and also because I don’t see this being a great way to write with another person.

So this leaves collaborating with another writer. When it comes to being open to collaborating with another writer, I have been a reluctant participant. It feels like a commitment that I cannot make right now and I don’t know why. The thought of it makes it hard for me to breathe. This is something that I want to change. There are some real benefits to music composing collaborations including:

  1. Accountability – Having a partner makes you accountable because there is someone else to keep you on track.
  2. Learning Opportunity – There’s a chance that your partner will know how to do something that you don’t and vice versa. Take the opportunity to learn from them.
  3. Eliminating writer’s block – If you are having writer’s block, your partner may not and this can move a project along. It may even spur your creativity to get you out of the block.
  4. Using Less Energy – Having a partner conserves your energy because you are not having to do it all yourself.

I’ve thought about the benefits, but they haven’t compelled me to even try because of some hidden fears I have.

So what is holding me back?

  •  I have a reoccurring vision of myself having an argument with my writing partner.
  •  I fear that this person will be critical of my writing and make me feel inferior.
  •  I feel like I may not be open to their ideas and end up hating the project in the end.
  •  I’m scared that this will be a disaster and I will end up walking away.

I’ve been close to having a few music composing collaborations, but they didn’t work out.

  • The first time was one was with a guy I was dating but the collaboration ended because we as a couple ended.
  • Another possible composing collaboration opportunity didn’t even get off the ground because, again, this was a guy that I was sort of dating and I found out that he was just trying to use me for my ability to write (He was an R Kelly wannabe and couldn’t sing in key).
  • My third attempt for collaboration was not music related. I partnered in a web business with a woman I met in a business course. This partnership became a burden and I realized that I didn’t get along with her.

However, I have secretly begun collaborating again, just with someone I don’t know. I’m using loops that someone else created. I used to actually write everything myself including drums patterns (nothing wrong with this). Using loops is a big step for me, but it’s not enough. I need to take the big leap to partner with someone.

I don’t have all of the answers right now to move forward, but I know I will soon. What is most significant about this is that I realize now why I have such a fear of music composing collaborations. It has so far been unpleasant. I believe I am going to have to do some soul searching and create a list of things that I would like my writing partner to be and have. I will also continue to work on myself as I don’t want to be the partner from hell and ruin a great partnership.